Final Ingredient

Tags

Childless momma, empty, grief, writings

She opened the blinds to let the sunshine in the way her father had every day all his years.

She can’t feel sunshine anymore but somehow it’s important to open them because he never failed to.

She limped to her car. Not entirely sure which part of the limp was paralysis versus the recently acquired broken bones.

One socked gimp-like broken foot and a sandal on the other. She’d given up trying to be beautiful a long time ago. 

It’s the second time in her memory in which she’s been grateful for the ability to walk again.  This time, far less dramatic than the first, but the depth of gratitude is strikingly similar.

She could never have asked someone to pick this up at the store for her; that seemed inherently wrong. 

It’s sunny today as she drives to the little local store. She takes a moment to be grateful to have a car. She can’t feel the sun, but she’s grateful it’s out today.

In the store, she knows right where to go as she’s cased out this necessary item which is last on her list. 

She offers an empty gestured smile and waits for the older lady standing where she needs to go to finish. Not wanting to appear impatient or rude, she pretends to browse the aspirins and cold medicines as she waits. 

She calculates on her phone the math required , double checks, and takes a moment to be grateful there is plenty in stock and enough remaining on the shelf left for any who may need it. 

She’s never been comfortable taking the last of anything. 

She limps to the register, stopping briefly to look at new chap sticks she’s not seen before. Her lip balm addiction is severe. She ponders, then decides she has plenty of lip balm already.

She passes the wine selection and wonders if she deserves wine. Hmmm…

No, she does not.

Wine belongs to lively people, hopeful hearts, gatherings of friends, and good mothers.  She doesn’t fit it any of those categories now.

She doesn’t even try to fit in them anymore. 

Once home, with all the curtains opened as they should be, she gathers the ingredients and puts them all stacked neatly on the mantle. 

It’s now the only thing neat and orderly in her house so she takes care and pride in their orderly presentation. 

She doesn’t know when. Maybe Mother’s Day would be appropriate as the thought of yet another of those passing by fills her last teeny tiny empty crevices with dread. 

She feels there’s something profound to be said but she no longer has access to profundity. She has become a “see spot run” version of her former mind; a flat, used up crayon of her former creativity. The edges aren’t sharp enough to comprehend corners and intricacies and staying inside the lines is impossible. 

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Five problems with social media

Tags

Bullying, Deception, Facebook, False Image, friendship, gossip, Intimacy, Lies, Problems with Social Media, Rumors, Social Media, Social Networks, Writing Exercise

1. Misinformation spreads far more widely and is more commonly accepted as truth than via rumor and gossip alone. Something in the minds of simpler people tend to believe anything if it’s in black and white and/or print. Somehow gives the vibe that the statement/belief/accusation has more credence than merely a gossiped spoken word. Few care to research such things to find the truth. Intellectual laziness encourages them to just accept what they see in front of them as truth rather than utilize the internet to prove or discredit, thus furthering their actual knowledge. Social media strongly hinders the expansion of knowledge.

2. Social media fosters a false sense of connecting socially while simultaneously creating more physical divides among people. This way also encourages social laziness in that it’s much easier to quell the sting of loneliness with social media acquaintances rather than risk the effort of physical face-to-face associating with others. Meanwhile, no actual intimate connection is developed – the look in one’s eye of anger or hurt or sadness which can be seen in a face-to-face setting but not whatsoever on social media. Thus, it encourages a false sense of social connectedness while actually inhibiting the literal development of social intimacy and one-ness among people.

3. Social media furthers the concept of perfection. People can more easily hide their vices on social media : photos can be perfected before posting, genuine feelings can be hidden far more easily and one can more easily choose words and photos to mislead others of their inner truths, their inner joys, and their inner miseries without the eye to eye contact and body language which can often give the truth away. This perpetuates others to want to appear more as something they are not. Only post selfies which are perfect. Only post the inner emotions that you want others to associate with you… creating an environment ripe for false personas and further, leading to false connections and/or emotions for who the person presents themselves as opposed to who the person is in reality, up close and personal. Social media encourages and fosters both deceit and the inner torment of wanting to be seen as perfect, which in turn furthers issue #1.

4. Bullying, degrading, cruelty has become far easier for the souls in inner pain who enjoy tearing others down. These criticisms, whether true or false, now reaches us everywhere. It comes right into our homes which were once an oasis at least from bullies outside our immediate family. It’s in our pockets on our smartphones where it can access our mind and sensitivities even in the bathroom, at the dinner table, watching movies in your bedroom, in church, out with a close-knit group of trusted friends. It is a playground rip for the cruelty of hatefulness, jealousy, and just sheer cruelty. It makes keeping our minds and hearts, eyes and “ears” safe from such things nearly impossible. It removes all safe places. The far reaching arms of social media has also made these acts of cruelty able to spread on to strangers as truth and/or to encourage others to join in masses into the cruelty, thus making the perpetrators feel more powerful and accepted for their behaviors.

5. The false information on political, personal, and social levels encourages people to believe lies more easily as well as take offense more personally, creating an unnecessary level of sensitivity for those issues in general. Once a falsehood of injustice has perpetuated across mass eyes on social media, the people who are affected and take this as a fact rather than a mere possibility and don’t further investigate, they grow a sense of self-righteousness toward others who hold different opinion whether the other opinion be more factually sound or not. The ability to so easily perpetuate ignorance and mistruths to the masses is a very dangerous tool for our government, affecting our literal political environment in elections as well as more easily destroying the common man with no ability to defend himself from the vast reach of social media to perpetrate and perpetuate deceit, lies, gossip, and general social intimacy.