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The love of my life called me this morning (10/2/17).  

I was afraid to answer. Scared of possible cruelty of which any more I just can’t handle…scared of more pain at her cruelty… yet scared something was wrong or worried she might actually need her momma like she had so many times before this nightmare started.?

Terrified to answer. Petrified to not answer. 

My breath stopped somewhere in my body when I saw her beautiful face show up on my phone screen, almost as though my brain had momentarily forgotten how to tell my lungs to breathe. 

Like the day she was born…

…Like a million days between December 23,1998 and the spring of 2012 when I’d just look at her and feel as if my heart might stop beating from the sudden surge of so much love and adoration. 

And her voice… her laugh… her words.. her imagination…her sense of humor… her intelligence …

All continued to stun me for the first 13 years of her life. 

She may deny I’m her momma now, but once upon a time, for 13 straight years, I had the most utterly incredible daughter who’s ever existed and being the best momma I possibly could to her and her sister was my entire world. 

I love you Savannah Grace DeDeaux.