You call this “love” but I can’t. Whatever this is feels like being wheeled into the operating room after years of waiting for surgery, where I’m not entirely convinced that this operation will work but I’m willing to try. It’s the final hope, the last resort after exhausting all other options and, though I am […]
My step-dad, James R. Higgins, passed away on July 12, 2017. He was a good man, an honorable man; a man of integrity.
Sadly, he was duped into loving, with all his heart, soul, and integrity, a narcissistic woman, who never loved him but only saw him as a cash supply and a toy to play with…
But he loved her… ohhhh how he loved her
Once when I was in elementary school, Jim bought us a playhouse- a real live playhouse!!!! We lived on 20 acres, so he had the playhouse put in a small clearing in the wooded acreage.
I think I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade when he brought it home and placed it. And I was amazed and beyond delighted!! It was white on the outside and the inside walls were each painted a different color. It was socheerful and playful!
I couldn’t WAIT to start my very own little clubhouse…secret society…whatever… it was my own space!! My VERY OWN space!! And it was cheerful and colorful and secluded in the woods!!
I couldn’t believe he brought it for my sister and me. Even then, I knew it was to please and impress mother more than it was probably for us, but I didn’t care!! It was so thoughtful and so wonderful!
My sister was never very interested in playing in the playhouse. I guess when your mother loves you, you don’t feel the need for friends so much…? But I wanted all the neighborhood kids to be in my club!!
I started a “club” and I collected 25 cents a week from each member to save for a field trip. I hoped that if we saved enough money mother might drive us the 5 miles into town for a day to explore together. I hoped she would be proud that I could pay her to take us on a field trip.
My mother was so very young and sooooo beautiful!! I was super excited to have her be our field trip guide after we saved some money to pay her to take us.
We met for a few months, we worked on making confetti in the clubhouse to try to have a neighborhood parade or some type of community festival
We saved up almost $10! Then I asked mother if that was enough to take a field trip but she said she didn’t have time to take a bunch of kids into town.
I guess marrying a wealthy man is quite busy….
The neighborhood kids were mad at me that there was no field trip and the club disintegrated. They all wanted their money back.
So I divided up all the quarters I’d collected, and paid then back their money.
And that was the end of the clubhouse club. I didn’t play in there very much after that. It just wasn’t any fun by myself and a year later mother accused me of meeting boys out there in the woods when I’d go to just play by myself. So the adorable clubhouse Jim brought us just went to waste.
It got rickety and bug infested and abandoned.
I’ll never forget how excited and amazed I was the day Jim brought that playhouse home.
I felt like a real and actual little girl for a few minutes.
I loved Jim Higgins so very much. There were so many periods of my childhood when his random kindness and his smile was the only thing that kept me feeling I mattered.
RIP James Ruben Higgins, 7/24/24-7/12/2017. You were very much loved and cherished.