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Note from 4/11/17


Gravide by Nihil

It’s a special kind of living hell when your most horrific nightmares are about your children and you’re too terrified to tell anyone about them for fear if you speak the horrors aloud, it might breathe life into them.

Too petrified to even whisper, Help!

It’s bizarre how mere silence compounds pain and intensifies terror.

(Ironically, silence is a key element in perpetuating narcissistic abuse,

as well as domestic violence

and rape.)

So those pictures and events in recurrent night horrors become so stamped into your brain that they play over and over and over in your waking hours and you can’t bring yourself to speak a single word of them…to anyone.

Fooling yourself…

Gifting yourself flashes and moments where you simply refuse to accept

that your every worst lifelong nightmare is already pulsating, breathing, living, happening now.

Every year.

Every day.

Every minute.

Every second.

Into infinity.