Abandoning me, ignoring me into nonexistence wasn’t even enough destruction for their bloodlusty crucifixion. First, they assassinated every truth that ever defined my life, smearing shit lies all over my character, then they twisted every element of even my most innocent spirit into something hideous, distorting the beautiful pieces of me into something too disgusting to acknowledge.
They did this aggressively and hard for the first 2-3 years, setting the perfect groundwork to never have to work quite so hard at it again. So that the final 3 of the 6 years just seemed to follow through on momentum alone without any effort at all, like a gigantic snowball made entirely of shit and evil rolling through one person’s hard-earned life. Being that I was worth so little effort to any of them to begin with, they’d done the hard, uphill work up front so coasting on their lies from there has been effortless and easy.
Annihilating every part of me so effectively that any hint of my existence whatsoever was too hideous to acknowledge…every loving act I’d done over 42 years of life was blackened with lies, every compassion I’d shown others was flipped inside out into cruelty, every effort I’d ever made in all my lifetime to be someone I believed was kind, good, and worthy of love, they belittled and ripped to tiny shreds until nothing was recognizable.
Nothing which was ever true was still in tact when they finished. It seems if you deny truth long enough, mix it with enough lies, and then just simply walk away, all the lies may as well be true. In fact after a while, no one even cares to hear those tiny cries of truth. It’s too easy to shut those out and all that’s left is the shell of a once happy, loving, momma who is now nothing but an unloved, unwanted, worthless barely-functioning crazy woman still spinning in shock and confusion, sobbing and screaming out inconvenient truths into an empty void where they just come bouncing right back off her empty, decomposing life.
Attack unsuspecting truth with arsenals of lies and armies of liars and the truth can be defeated as if it never existed at all. Any truth that does remain is inconsequential and brushed off like an annoying little crumb from a pristine lapel of lies.