Narcissistic abuse is a dual edged sword. It will never admit … much less apologize.. for the damage. In fact, it denies and belittles, making you feel even worse, more vulnerable, more crazy, more abused.
More like a victim….. helpless and victimized from every edge….
The first boyfriend I ever had beat me senseless physically . He didn’t emotionally or mentally abuse me though…. Just random, irate, wild physical attacks. I was lucky to have survived a few of those vicious attacks, but still I’d choose that over narcissistic abuse like my mother, my ex, or my children.
Recently I got very reflective on that first boyfriend. And I texted him to just state my feelings. I wasn’t hoping for anything more than the chance to say how I felt about the abuse and a few things that happened concerning him after my dad passed. I truly expected him to actually deny it ever happened! That’s how distorted narcissistic abuse has made me…
But he just apologized. He didn’t deny. He didn’t belittle or minimize the abuse. He literally just apologized! He even went so far as to say ” I would pay the devil if I could take back how badly I beat you”.
He SAID that!!
And I’m just flabbergasted…. I’ve never had anyone hurt me deeply and actually demonstrate remorse or regret of any kind. It’s always been “I didn’t do that” or “sorry you think that’s what I did”. Never EVER just a straight out I’m so sorry for how I hurt you. I wish I hadn’t.
I’m amazed at what a difference just the acknowledgement of truth makes! Much less, the sincere apology. It’s astonishing actually!
It makes all the difference in the world.
Narcissistic abuse is hands down the most vile evil abuse there is.
I’d so much rather be beaten.