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coffin

Does everyone wonder and ponder what will be said after they’re gone?

Does it really matter?  I don’t think so as you’re gone, right?  If you don’t have to witness or hear the fake cries for sympathy of the narcissists who killed you, but you know will jump at the golden opportunity for a little validating sympathy for themselves?

Oh Chloe, she always was so sensitive.

Oh, I did all I could for Chloe…it was just never enough.  I so wish I could have done more (insert sympathy seeking sob).

I hate to say I told you so, but I’ve told you for years Chloe was un-reachably, un-helpably, fucked up… She was a lost cause from her first breath.  Do you see now?

I tried so hard to date Chloe; she just wouldn’t let me.

I tried so hard to befriend Chloe; she just wouldn’t let me.

I tried so hard to love Chloe; she just wouldn’t let me.

Don’t cry over Chloe.  She was her own worst enemy.  She made her own bed

So, NOW do you understand what a horrible mother she must have been?  Can you even imagine being so selfish as this?  Those poor girls…

Now, can you finally understand how impossible Chloe really was?  How hard it was on me to try to love her?  …to help her?  …to save her?

Just try to imagine how hard this is on ME…  Chloe was my friend.

…my neighbor.

…my sister.

…my daughter.

…my ex-wife.

…my ex-lover.

…my employee.

…my momma.

Oh well, I couldn’t stop the liars by living nor could I stop them with truth – they were too skilled at lies and/or I was too hysterical about the truth.  I’m certain it will be a free-for-all smorgasbord of lies when I’m gone. The only people who could stop them are either drunk on the kool-aid themselves or apathetically don’t-want-to-get-involved and the only person who possibly would stop them is dead already.

Once upon a time, I believed the loneliest a person could ever be is sitting right next to a person who says the words I love you but is utterly emotionally absent – while taking up space right next to you.  That is definitely the second most lonely of all and is horribly more empty than literally being alone.

I was wrong though.  The absolute loneliest a person can be is to be alive without life and have so many truths bursting from their heart and not a single solitary person in the world wants or cares to hear that truth.  All those truths silently drowning the mind while noisily contradicting the lies that have wrapped their claws in a death clench around one’s throat.

There is no antidote to vile lies spoken with the sole purpose to destroy, conquer, and ultimately kill the truth.  No antidote whatsoever.

You can live with the lies or choke and die on the truth.  And the saddest, loneliest part of all is if you choke and die on the truth, they’ll go right ahead and joyfully bury you in more lies.

Literally.

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