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Watching Grey’s Anatomy, where Meredith is discussing what’s happening with her pregnancy  with Derek, (“the baby’s eyes develop this week”, etc etc) and I remember… And I’m jealous because I never got to experience that – talking about our baby’s development and the fears and worries and excitement that should come with that. Unless your child’s father is a narcissistic douchebag. 
I remember buying the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting so that I could know what was happening with my baby and be aware and excited about her progress . I didn’t have a mother to discuss these things with.. My mother was too pissed off that I was having a baby with this man at all, to discuss pregnancy and momma things. So I had this book to be my guide through it.

I would get so excited to read every week what was happening with my baby. I’d read it to her and talk to her, baby girl!!!?? Your heart/fingernails/hair/liver/brain is getting such-n-such this week!!! You’re so amazing!!! 

My boyfriend was rarely home, so it was just me, my book, and my cat Porsche discussing these exciting wonders of my sweet baby’s progress. And when really big milestones were occurring or fixing to occur soon, I’d get super excited and call her dad or try to tell him about it when he got home (whenever that might be) so he could know and share the excitement of our baby’s development. 

And he would say,  For God’s sake can’t we ever talk about ANY thing else?!?? 

And so I would shut the fuck right up and go back to reading silently and listening to him talk about his recent job drama or whatever most recent coworker had caught his attention (and usually his dick in her vag or mouth or whatever too). Because this baby, our baby, just wasn’t interesting enough in his world to listen to what was happening in her world or body or little tiny life… 

Yeah… I remember those days. 

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