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it’s an especially awful feeling to be losing a loved one. A beloved woman who is the only pure heart and faithful spirit I have left in this world. 

And it’s particularly horrifying to feel the depth of ugliness of reality when faced with decisions about going to watch her suffer or even going to bury her and say a last goodbye …or protecting myself from that evil that I desperately need to steer clear of. 

I once not so long ago even, believed that when a good and true person died, there was no way evil would or could show up for that. In fact, I wonder if that was the final piece of faith and naïveté I had left in me. 

Now, I understand that evil not only DOES show up when good people die, but evil actually uses your pain to fashion an invisible knife with which to stab you in the heart while you’re suffering the pain of such a loss. 

Evil sees a persons depth of  sadness at loss as an opportunity. Evil can fake feelings and tears while simultaneously fashioning the knife they can’t wait to twist your pain further  into you…further into your soul than you imagined pain could ever reach… Further than you imagined you could ever live through… 

…And way further than anyone would want to live through.