I created this blog as a safe place to unravel; a place I could let all the ugly scars, oozing wounds, the deepest most embarrassing and humiliating experiences, anger, whatever….OUT! Let it out finally in a safe, non-judgmental place that I’ve desperately needed all my life. These are things I would keep so private, I’d not write them in a journal for fear the journal might be found. I want privacy! That privacy and safety I didn’t have to express myself anywhere, in any way growing up in an abusive environment.
However, I didn’t want to make my blog entirely private because I also hoped to connect with others (total strangers preferably) who’ve experienced this and might understand.
I wanted to feel free! I wanted to be free to write anything. I discovered today that a “link to my site” or vice versa, heck, I can’t keep all that straight or understand it… is my FACEBOOK!
My Facebook account where I have co-workers, snide bitches, family friends, manipulative men…any number of folks who are the very reason I don’t just use my Facebook as my personal blog. And now, my most private of privates has somehow in confusing ways I can’t understand been connected to my Facebook!
I’m horrified. I will need to start over again. As though, keeping my blogs (sign ins, passwords, user names, content, phone app, etc…) straight wasn’t already confusing and frustrating.
I’m so upset. I felt safe here. This is outrageous to me. I needed a safe place. I don’t have the energy or memory mind-set to start over again and figure out how to do the impossible…keep it anonymous and separate from the rest of my life and people.
Why is this SUCH an impossible, frustrating, and violating task? I had a blog for ten years here that never connected my privacy to any social media!!!??
This is horrifying.